it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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