I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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