Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
birth control should be required to get into college
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
