Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
