Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
