i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
