doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
