I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize