I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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