On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
