I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Operation Purity has been aborted
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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