Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
