Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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