as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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