I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
