I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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