In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
