I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I need a beard to bite.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
