Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
