I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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