She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
