My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I need to sanitize my soul.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
