I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize