Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Who died my cat blue again?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
