For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
