Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
