she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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