I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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