My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Randomize
