I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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