I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
