apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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