Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
