Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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