so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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