Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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