Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
