In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
