i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
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Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
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I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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