Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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