at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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