btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I think i got beer on your cat.
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