Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just want to make out with him forever
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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