He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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