i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
