I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
