Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
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