Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
