I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
