when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
