dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
