My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Operation Purity has been aborted
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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