dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
