He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
