I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
