Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
