Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize