I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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