I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
BRING THE BAGELS
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize