He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
