I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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