If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
