i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
