Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
