I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
