I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
