Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
