Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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