Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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