This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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